We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Maybe he injected his testicle?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
