ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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