You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
