I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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