New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
