Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Someone signed my nipple.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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