I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
