guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
