Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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