I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
