At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
