Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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