I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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