he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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