Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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