so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
