Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
