There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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