i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
