It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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