I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
