If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
