i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
