well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
