Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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