Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
