Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
