End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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