Your mouth is God's brothel.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my being single is dangerous.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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