One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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