You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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