I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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