how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
