before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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