I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
