You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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