why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
