Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
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Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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