I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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