There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
