I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
