You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
