Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
