There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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