Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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