i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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