No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
