You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
