i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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