Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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