Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
