And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sarcasm needs its own font
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
