He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
