the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
