ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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