Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's rum buckets o'clock
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
