Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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