And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
