I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
