bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
