so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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