As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
