If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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