god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
