That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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