im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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