Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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