and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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