this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
