It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
