im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
