I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
