careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
