Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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