we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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