So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
