Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
