it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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