508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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