...so i touched it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
