Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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