Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
