I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
