Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
