Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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