You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
