and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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