He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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