look no pants
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
