i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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