i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
