yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
