his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
